


Pillow talk

by akh



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akh/pseuds/akh
Summary: Bernie hadn’t meant to propose.Hadn’t even dared to think it might be a possibility.In hindsight, she probably should have.





	Pillow talk

It was something Bernie had been thinking about for a while now, but the words had failed her every time she had come close to bringing it up.

That is, until they stumble out of her mouth one morning in bed, when the sun is shining and everything is perfect and of course she has to put her foot in her mouth.

For a few seconds, unsurprisingly, she is met with stunned silence.

“You want me to be your next of kin?” Serena hoists herself up from her pillow to lean on her elbow.

Bernie rolls onto her back, raking a hand through her hair, “No, no,” she groans. Now that she has said it out loud, she realises how stupid the whole idea was. “It was a silly thought.”

She waits to hear Serena’s huff of agreement, but when it doesn’t come, she ventures a glance in her direction. The morning sun, framing her face from behind, makes her expression difficult to read.

“Why do you think it silly?” Serena asks, a slight frown creasing her forehead.

“Well, I…” Bernie starts, suddenly finding it easier to look at the ceiling than at Serena. “I didn’t really think it through, I just thought…”

She pauses, waits for Serena to say something, but when Serena seems to have no intention of letting her off the hook, she presses on:

“The last time I went on tour, I was still married to Marcus, so he was naturally...I mean, if something had happened to me, he was the one who would have been first informed.” Bernie isn’t sure how to explain that if she ends up in a hospital bed again, she would like Serena’s face to be the one she sees when she wakes up. It’s a selfish thought, though, especially when there’s always the risk she could return home in a coffin, too. She’s not going to the front line now, but a war zone is still a war zone. Working with civilians is no guarantee of safety when civilians get hurt every day.

“What about your children?” Serena asks. She shifts so that they can both see each other better.

Bernie takes a deep breath.

“You _have_ told them where you’re going?”

Bernie whips her head around to look at Serena and is relieved to find a teasing glint in her eye. Of course she wouldn’t leave without telling them, and she’s glad Serena knows it too. She wouldn’t leave without telling Serena, either.

“I’m just not sure if I want them to be the ones to get the call if something happens.” Bernie returns to the first question, her eyes darting to the ceiling again. “We had a plan, once, Marcus and I, that if something happened to me, he would be the one to tell the children.”

There’s a pause, and then Bernie can feel Serena’s fingers grazing her arm.

“And now?” Serena prompts gently. “Would you want me to be the one to tell your children? I don’t really know them that well.”

“I said I hadn’t thought it through,” Bernie sighs, turning to face Serena again. She is smiling down at her now, a hand reaching over to affectionately brush Bernie’s fringe out of her eyes.

“I suppose I thought you could tell Marcus,” Bernie says at last. “Then he could tell the children.”

“They’re not really children anymore.”

“He’s still their father,” Bernie replies. “And I’m their…”

“...mother,” Serena finishes. There is a hint of wistfulness in her eyes, a sort of longing that seems to have replaced the intense grief that used to be there, but then she smiles again, her fingers continuing to play with Bernie’s hair. “I understand.”

“You don’t have to, you know,” Bernie says, lifting her own hand and lacing her fingers with Serena’s. “I know it’s a thankless role to have, really.”

She can feel her hand being squeezed in response.

“And what makes you think I wouldn’t want to be the first to know if something happens to you?” Serena’s voice is soft, barely breaking above a whisper.

“Well, I…” Bernie starts. She thinks of Serena, out here in the South of France - is sure that Cam would let her know if something happened, but it might be a while before the word got to her. She returns Serena's squeeze. “If you’re sure,” she says at last, searching Serena’s eyes for confirmation. 

She nods her head, meeting Bernie’s eyes without hesitation.

“I’m sure,” she tells her. “For better or for worse, I want to be the first to know.”

Her words hang in the air between them for a moment. Another thought crosses Bernie’s mind, then, but she doesn’t dare to put it into words. This is already more than she could have hoped for.

Serena, in the meanwhile, shifts again and scoots a little closer to Bernie. She opens her mouth and then closes it, pauses, and tries again: “So, how does it work, exactly? Do you just put my name down on some paper or...do we actually have to...get married?”

“Just name on paper,” Bernie assures her quickly, her cheeks colouring at the mention of what she had just been thinking, as if suddenly caught red-handed.

“Oh.” Serena seems to deflate a little.

“Or did you…” Bernie hesitates, her heart suddenly beating faster. This is not the time and place, she frantically reminds herself, but in vain. The words burst out before she can stop them: “Would you _like_ to get married?”

Serena’s eyes widen a little. Bernie half expects her to pull her hand away, but she doesn't.

“I mean, we don’t have to,” she backpedals quickly. “I didn’t mean…”

“Bernie...” Serena stops her, placing a finger on her lips. “Are you really asking me?”

“I- I think I just did?” Bernie stammers and she thinks she can hear a hitch in Serena's breath.

There's a silence and then Serena's voice again: “But do you mean it?”

Bernie considers for a moment. This is not how she ever imagined she would propose, sometime in the future, but it's only the manner of asking she wishes she could change. When she looks at Serena and sees the warm glow of her eyes as she waits for an answer, Bernie knows beyond any doubt what she wants.

“I do,” she says in a hoarse whisper, bringing Serena’s knuckles to her lips. Then she finds Serena's eyes again and holds her gaze : “Will you marry me?”

The words are barely out before Serena’s face breaks into smile that makes the sun behind her pale in comparison.

“Right here, before I leave?” Bernie ventures to suggest, feeling brave now that she is basking in Serena’s glow. “Just you and me,” she whispers.

"Just you and me," Serena agrees, pressing her forehead against Bernie's. Then a thought seems to occur to her and she pulls away enough to see Bernie's face. “And Cameron and Charlotte?” she asks in a way that makes the question sound more like a suggestion. "And maybe Jason, too, if he wants to come?"

“I would love that,” Bernie admits, smiling at the thought. All the people she loves more than anything in the world.

They both look at each other for a moment in quiet reflection. Then Serena leans down and nuzzles Bernie’s nose with her own.

“In that case, yes,” Serena whispers before their lips touch. “Make an honest woman out of me, Ms. Wolfe.”


End file.
